It’s such a dreadful feeling, burning out. It’s slow and draining, like drops of tallow running down a candle, and into a blob of wax on a nightstand.
It happens at the absolute worst times too. When you’re in the middle of twelve important things, and you have to juggle every job and wear all the hats and somehow pretend all the while that you know what you’re doing. That you’re on top of your game.
That’s when you start to feel like you’re running out. Not just energy. You. You’re running out. And what an apt card to appear to me this afternoon. A timely reminder, or a warning.
What the Four of Swords Says
The Four of Swords signals a time of rest and recuperation. It’s time to put your feet up. Only I haven’t been doing that, and the cards seem to be aware.
In its reversed form, the Four of Swords asks me why I’m still working so much. After every trial and triumph I’ve seen, I’ve never really given myself time to breathe in between. But this is a card that warns against refusing to slow down.
Slowing down is the body’s way of stabilizing itself. It’s as they say: if you don’t pick a time for your body to rest, your body will pick one for you.
In that way, rest is a productive activity, is it not?
Working Hard, Hardly Working
I’ve realized lately that it’s a double edged sword, to be fresh out of college and already given a little extra responsibility at work. To lead a team of people twice my age. It’s a feat in itself, and it’s wonderful to have so many people take me seriously. Yet it’s like I’m constantly having to prove I deserve it.
So I do a little extra work, I go an extra mile, stay an extra hour, and I plaster more smiley emojis on messages I would rather send point blank.
I’ve been coasting through work most days, with less enthusiasm to participate in office chatter. It’s hard to find time for banter when you’re weighed down by more responsibility than you should be handling at your age.
So now I’ve been feeling a little out of it lately. I’ve had good days and bad days. I had just won my first screenwriting award for a short film my production crew and I made – good day. I was bombarded with endless tasks at work the next day – not so good. I’m making progress on my blog – good day. I was too tired to walk my dog out – not so good.
I could usually power through those not so good days. Nowadays, not so much. Perhaps it’s the effect of the Pisces season hitting me at last. Maybe I’m burning out. Maybe I’m just drowning in work, when I should be letting myself float.
Final Thoughts
When rest starts to feel like a luxury you can’t afford – that is precisely the time you need it the most. The world won’t end if you take a nap for an hour or two. In fact, you and everything else in the world might be better for it.
The Four of Swords in Reverse reminds you to be kindest to yourself, most of all. If you’ve been like me lately, sitting in my own guilt for not doing anything remotely related to work, don’t be. There will be plenty time to work, and enough time to rest.
If you can’t find time, then make time. You will need your strength.
Leave a comment